Love doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be true.
I Communication as an unwavering link
As the parent of a child who has become a teenager, my categorical answer: no, we have to tell them the truth. We must tell them how society perceives things. The better you create a relationship of close communication, the better it will be for them an anchor for their future. Do not think that by overprotecting them, you are doing them good, on the contrary you are pushing them more.
Look, for example, when my little girl was still like three apples, she came back from school and I asked her to do her homework. And I volunteered to help him. But when it came a time for reading, she replied:
– I can’t read mom;
– and then at school, they told me to do my best, but you ask me a lot.
But I replied:
– At school, your teacher has several children in front of her.
– But here at home, I only have you and I have all my time for you. To this I add words of encouragement because she was already 9 years old and experienced daily bullying. This is why I had words of encouragement for her that restored her self-confidence.
– I know you are capable, you will end up appropriating these words, you are stronger than them and smarter than you think or better than you are made to believe.
– It’s not magic.
– I imagine that for you it is a huge obstacle, but as you get used to the words, you will see it will be easy. And now in grade 9 she is a good reader. Her reading is still not very perfect, but persistence ended up paying off. She is also proud of it.
Dear parents, read to your children every day even if it is for 10 min. They will grab what they can and leave what is too hard for them, but in the end even the hardest will become as light as the others.
You’ll say we don’t have time. Try to do it when you go shopping with them in supermarkets, or when you accompany them to their games, read the words written on the signs of buildings and signs and ask them to repeat, read the labels of the goods with them.
When you do the dishes ask them to repeat after you the names of utensils, plates, dishes, spoons, forks, ladles, two words a day are enough. Or better when empty the bags from the market play who will find the longest word of the shopping you have done together. Or when you tidy up their room with them switch to the game of clothes and bedding. I will better if you are already have images that allow them to better understand what you are talking about. You will see that they will begin to take over the language. Don’t wait for the results after the fact. It may take time and longer, but it is worth the effort.
II – Teach them how to get autonomy, to socialize: they will stand on their own two feet
Returning back to the fact of communication, good communication avoids overprotection which can only handicap them because it will happen one day, when you will no longer be there. What will they do then? Prepare them for the future of tomorrow, they will be very grateful and proud of you just like you. Get them used to your everyday reality.
Think about it, today everyone is talking about the Coronavirus, take the opportunity to talk with them because they are already anxious by nature and you are their only guide and if your anxiety is not explained. They will imagine the worst. Take them for a walk. Explain to them why the streets are empty. Tell them how to avoid the danger of this disease.
Some will tell me my child does not speak, my child does not understand. We always imagine that. But in fact, they have their own languages which we need to learn to communicate better with them and which better than their parents need to know. Let’s use their language to speak to them and explain things.
Do not expect miracles but celebrate each small success because the first goal is their socialization, their autonomy and their integration into the corporate life that we all know is pitiful.
First, we all know, this world is already pitiful for us because it does not give us gifts, even less for them. This is why we often believe we are helping them by overprotecting them, no, let’s kid evolve lead themselves. They must learn from their mistakes and get up; fall again and rise again. Let’s just be the crutch they can lean on in times of distress like our parents were for us. Thus, we will have accomplished our mission.
We sometimes give up, fatigue, too much stress, the feeling of other people’s gaze, but dear relative, don’t pay attention. Even normal ones often arouse criticism how often those who will be different. It is not easy; I agree to have gone through my period of mourning. But I assure you that I am enjoying today’s successes and the happiness that my patience and persistence produce. Because I assure you especially for those who have learning difficulties do not forget, the brain is a muscle. It atrophies if it is not maintained. When it is work, you have the results afterwards. If it is not 100%. You will still have it at 75%, even 80% why not 100%. Believe in your coconuts and they will hatch.
L. Beatrice Koua Dubé
Btit Ngkobé Consulting
EED Specialist (Childhood Difficulty)
Mother with disability child.
Should we hide the truth or our stress from our children and adolescents?